The Supremes Had A Point

The Supremes Had A Point

Being an alcoholic, I have many obvious flaws.  I am also co-dependent to the extreme and there is much work I need do on both issues.  I used to say with pride that when someone else was in pain, I felt it as well.  Now I see that as less of a badge of honor than a character flaw.  I don't mean that I wish no longer to empathize with others, just that I want to do so in a healthier way.
With my vulnerability has come awareness of other people's pain.  That could go pear shaped on me if I decide to take that on my own shoulders.  Thus far it has been a lesson in acknowledgement rather than taking on the water of other people's wakes.
I am a "yes" person.  If you ask me to do something I default to "absolutely!"  Underneath I am thinking about the consequences and wether or not I really want to do this thing that you ask, but before I process all of this, I just agree.  I take the hit if it is something that will hurt me, not blaming you for it, but blaming myself for lack of insight and strength.  I excuse others automatically and constantly take one for the team.  Then what happens is that I get angry, sad and resentful and these emotions come out sideways in passive aggression, depression and addictive acting out.  It occurs to me now, that perhaps I need to change my definition of "the team."
Perhaps I need to consider myself as the MVP.  In rehab they tell you over and over that you have to put your recovery first above all else.  Above family, children, finances, history, others... Everything.  The example often used is that when you are on a plane and there is a drop in cabin pressure you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others because if you can't breath, you are no use to anyone.  So I am trying desperately to do that.  It is hard on the others players on my team, but I have to keep doing it.
I don't like setting boundaries.  I find it distasteful and impolite.  I see what I want others to do and know inherently.  I see the line drawn and think that since it is so obvious to me it should be to others as well.  To me these lines are as clear and obvious as flashing neon signs, but I have to realize that not everyone sees them as I do, not everyone is in Vegas with me!  I have to learn to be firm in a gentle manner.  Saying "no" does not make me an uncaring person, it makes me self-aware.  In the past I have felt the pain of others and now I need to be aware of my own and make sure I no longer fall on my own sword.  If people don't like that, then frankly it says more about them than it does about me.
So as the Supremes sang, I am learning to say "stop" in the name of love for myself.