Blue Plate Special

Blue Plate Special

This past week saw the first death among the associates of my mommy mafia.  She was a neighbor and friend, a mother and grandmother, a teacher and optimist of the first order.  She has been taken too quickly by cancer and suffered greatly in the past five months without ever having the chance to recover.
Frank is particularly broken up by her passing.  She taught him in high school and made it one of her missions at the time to ensure that he made it through her class unscathed.  For much of his high school career he was a reluctant academic.  He has a mind that races ahead of the task at hand and was the poster boy of bucking authority as a teen.  From what I understand from hearing the stories from that time, this woman would march over on the weekends to make sure he was doing his homework, often sitting him at her own kitchen table to ensure he stayed on task.
She had many crosses to bear throughout her life, as we all do, but saw the world as full of sunshine rather than grayness.  She lost her father when she was only a baby, but honored him and his veteran status throughout her life.  She organized memorials for and reunions of members of the 10th Mountain Division he had fought with in World War II.  She raised her kids with love and laughter and lived her own romance with her husband of 48 years.
For me personally, she was one of the women who embraced me unconditionally when I became a part of Frank's life.  She was worried about me when I felled myself to my addiction and she checked on me often.  She was always offering to take me with her to the gym, or bringing me extra soup she had made, passing on her hand-me-downs and generally trying to lift me up.
During the past few months she was very ill and she wasn't up for seeing people.  This was unusual for her because she was a social butterfly to the nth degree.  Frank was able to visit with her the day before she died and I know that was a great comfort to him.
The afternoon that she passed at home with her husband and her children, Frank and I were planning to get together for dinner.  He texted me to let me know she was gone and I went over straight away.  He was at a loss for what to do so we did what most people do in that situation, we ordered food for the family.  I don't know why that seems like the go to action when someone passes, but bereavement food is a balm both for the those whom have lost the loved one and those who care about them.  We feel useless so we feed them.  I was able to sit outside with her husband while he ate and let him talk.  I asked him to tell me how they had met many years ago and he got quite misty eyed and told me their love story and I was honored to hear it.
After attending the wake on Friday and the funeral mass on Saturday, I have come to realize that I see death a little differently now that I have suspended my contempt for religion, for God and for spirituality.  I was not sad at the funeral, not because I won't miss this beautiful soul, not that I won't worry about her loved ones and feel sorrow for the hollowness they now know, but because I honestly believe for the first time that she is in a better place.  I know that when Liam died, it was easier for me to think that he was in a better place and I tried to fully believe it then.  I could almost get there, but blocked out the fullness of the possibility with my fear that I was wrong.  I now can say from my heart that I don't fear for those who have died.  I think this woman suffered in life, but now is on a different plane where human suffering has ended.  I don't know what it is like for her now, but I am confident that she is safe.
As I sat in the Catholic Church near our house and listened to the glory of the ceremony, I could not help but smile.  I had started to picture in my mind that this associate of mine was at Joe's Diner.  She was sitting at a booth in the back with her dad, getting to know him after all this time and Joe had just delivered a blue plate special to her table for her to enjoy.