Dancing in the Rain
In
recovery they talk a lot about being present and living in the moment. This is something I think is very difficult
for people to grasp in general but especially in today’s modern, fast-paced society. We seem to rush from appointment to
appointment, task to task, chore to chore and are frequently spending most of
our days thinking ahead to the next thing on our long to-do lists. I do this far too much, even now – I am a professional list-maker. I am one of those people who makes a list and
puts on them things I have already done just to get the gratification of being
able to immediately cross them off!
But
when we spend so much time thinking forward to tasks and then thinking backward
to history and possible regrets, when do we actually live? In reality a certain amount of planning is
needed, there are responsibilities to be tended to and looking back over the
past is necessary as well to reflect on mistakes and triumphs – the key is not to get stuck on either
end of the spectrum and try and balance those with the middle present.
I
remember about 5 years ago now when we were living in Annapolis, I had the luck
to be shown, by my children, how gratifying truly living in the present can
be. I was working full-time from home
and Frank was frequently working long hours and there was always any number of
things that had to get done. It was
August and I remember wrapping things up for work before heading out to pick
the kids up from day camp.
It
was raining pretty hard when I pulled up to the school and I waited as long as
I could to leave the car as I had not had an umbrella. I gave up realizing that the rain was not
going to abate and struck out knowing I would get soaked on the way. I got the kids and we made our way back to
the car, all of us getting pretty wet in the process.
The
kids gabbled away at me about their day while I drove them home and all the
while I was cataloging what I was going to make for dinner, how much laundry
still had to be done, feeding the dogs… whatever I had on my on-going list…
We
reached the end of our long cul-de-sac and Dermot (just about to turn 6) said
urgently, “Mom! Stop the car!”
I braked suddenly thinking that I was about to run over a small animal I
hadn’t
seen or something and said tensely, “What is it?” He looked at me in the
rear view mirror with a glint in his eye and said, “I want to run home in the rain!”
I
remember staring at him for a moment in shock before something in me decided, “Why not?”
I got out, opened the car door and let him out. I can’t describe the sheer joy he had on his face as he took off
down the sidewalk, his little tanned legs and arms pumping as he ran and
whooped. I drove slowly to our driveway
and turned around to look at Wren (then 4.5) and said, “That looks like a lot of fun doesn’t it?”
She agreed and before I knew it we were all three of us stomping in rain
puddles, pretending to swim down the street, singing songs and dancing in the
rain. We were soaked to the skin and I
didn’t
care. We laid down across the driveway
holding hands with me in the middle blinking up at the rain coming down and
trying to drink. We laughed so hard our
sides were hurting.
We
finally went in, cold and fingertips wrinkled about 20 minutes later, drenched
and happy. I had for those view precious
moments been completely in the now. Completely present as a mom, as a human
being. My to-do lists were forgotten and
I think we may have had leftovers for dinner, but it didn’t matter. The kids still talk about this as one of
their favorite memories with me.
As I said,
life has priorities, responsibilities and forward planning. It also has regret and pain from the
past. But to get stuck in either one all
the time means we can’t experience the real-time magic of life. To be stuck in either the future or the past
means we will miss the chance to dance in the rain.
