You'd Think I'd Make a Better Cop

You’d Think I’d Make a Better Cop

 

I recently started working part-time as a counselor’s aide in a drug and alcohol treatment program.  I love it.  Being in a group session with people I can relate to and potentially help is one of the most rewarding things I can do.

I was recently in a group session where one of the patients was checking in on his day and any challenges he had faced.  He had been doing some maintenance work on his property and had offered someone in his home group the opportunity to do some work with him as this other person was struggling financially.  The first day working together had gone really well but the second day had been a disaster.  The person was lethargic, unhelpful, saying they were not feeling well etc…  This made my patient worry that perhaps this person was under the influence.

He struggled with that and with feeling guilty that he was being judgmental and jumping to conclusions.  This had been confusing for him and he was really shaken by the experience.  He said to me, “It’s like, I’ve been a criminal for so long that you would think I’d make a better cop.”

That phrase struck me as being so apt.  The confusion that people feel when dealing with an alcoholic or an addict is like trying to walk a straight line in the midst of heavy fog or stand still in the midst of a tornado. 

Even fellow addicts become confused and question what they are seeing or hearing.  It has happened to me as well.  I have had friends relapse and been swept up in the storm of lies and hidden agendas and confusion.  It is very difficult to deal with this disease from the other side just as it is hard for us to deal with it ourselves.  I know for myself that I want to believe that people are telling the truth.  I want to see the best in others and that can at times come back to bite me.  If you are dealing with a family member who is in active addiction I can’t even imagine how wrenching and exhausting that must be.  Frank and my in-laws and close friends can tell you. 

I have only dealt with it with friends from my program and my connection to them is not nearly as strong, yet I feel some of the pain of seeing someone you care for struggle with this and change for the worse.  I hope that this patient uses this as a learning experience as I have.  That seeing our disease from the other side allows us to feel a small portion of the pain we inflicted on others ourselves.