Dancing in the Rain

Dancing in the Rain

 

In recovery they talk a lot about being present and living in the moment.  This is something I think is very difficult for people to grasp in general but especially in today’s modern, fast-paced society.  We seem to rush from appointment to appointment, task to task, chore to chore and are frequently spending most of our days thinking ahead to the next thing on our long to-do lists.  I do this far too much, even now – I am a professional list-maker.  I am one of those people who makes a list and puts on them things I have already done just to get the gratification of being able to immediately cross them off!

But when we spend so much time thinking forward to tasks and then thinking backward to history and possible regrets, when do we actually live?  In reality a certain amount of planning is needed, there are responsibilities to be tended to and looking back over the past is necessary as well to reflect on mistakes and triumphs – the key is not to get stuck on either end of the spectrum and try and balance those with the middle present.

I remember about 5 years ago now when we were living in Annapolis, I had the luck to be shown, by my children, how gratifying truly living in the present can be.  I was working full-time from home and Frank was frequently working long hours and there was always any number of things that had to get done.  It was August and I remember wrapping things up for work before heading out to pick the kids up from day camp.

It was raining pretty hard when I pulled up to the school and I waited as long as I could to leave the car as I had not had an umbrella.  I gave up realizing that the rain was not going to abate and struck out knowing I would get soaked on the way.  I got the kids and we made our way back to the car, all of us getting pretty wet in the process.

The kids gabbled away at me about their day while I drove them home and all the while I was cataloging what I was going to make for dinner, how much laundry still had to be done, feeding the dogs… whatever I had on my on-going list…

We reached the end of our long cul-de-sac and Dermot (just about to turn 6) said urgently, “Mom!  Stop the car!”  I braked suddenly thinking that I was about to run over a small animal I hadn’t seen or something and said tensely, “What is it?”  He looked at me in the rear view mirror with a glint in his eye and said, “I want to run home in the rain!”

I remember staring at him for a moment in shock before something in me decided, “Why not?”  I got out, opened the car door and let him out.  I can’t describe the sheer joy he had on his face as he took off down the sidewalk, his little tanned legs and arms pumping as he ran and whooped.  I drove slowly to our driveway and turned around to look at Wren (then 4.5) and said, “That looks like a lot of fun doesn’t it?”  She agreed and before I knew it we were all three of us stomping in rain puddles, pretending to swim down the street, singing songs and dancing in the rain.  We were soaked to the skin and I didn’t care.  We laid down across the driveway holding hands with me in the middle blinking up at the rain coming down and trying to drink.  We laughed so hard our sides were hurting. 

We finally went in, cold and fingertips wrinkled about 20 minutes later, drenched and happy.  I had for those view precious moments been completely in the now.  Completely present as a mom, as a human being.  My to-do lists were forgotten and I think we may have had leftovers for dinner, but it didn’t matter.  The kids still talk about this as one of their favorite memories with me.

            As I said, life has priorities, responsibilities and forward planning.  It also has regret and pain from the past.  But to get stuck in either one all the time means we can’t experience the real-time magic of life.  To be stuck in either the future or the past means we will miss the chance to dance in the rain.