I have finished revising and tweaking the children's book I wrote for my kids in an effort to explain the diseases of addiction and mental illness from which I suffer.  I have the endorsement of one of the top 7 rehab facilities in the U.S. who are on board to use the book and a companion coloring and activity book in their children's program and also sell them in their bookstore.  There are costs involved that I simply do not have on my own so I created a Kickstarter campaign to raise the funds.  Please check out my project and back me if you like, if not please share with others.  The more we talk about these problems the less stigma will remain and the better armed our children will be as they grow.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/queenwhosavedherself/the-queen-who-saved-herself

And Now About Religion...

 

And Now About Religion…

 

 

I haven’t written in a while.  I think there are a number of reasons.  One being that life happens and being that I am weak, I got wrapped up in its minutia.  I started to stray from the things that keep me more connected.  I wasn’t going to as many meetings, I haven’t been getting up as early to spend the time I need to in order to remain more in touch with my spiritual side.  It is a dangerous veering to be sure, especially for an alcoholic as it so often leads to relapse. 

But I also have been in a bit more of a listening phase.  I have had my ears open more and my mouth shut more which is necessary from time to time.  I can’t write if I don’t experience, see, feel and hear.

A few things have inspired me to write, one being the presence of the Pope in our fair city and the other is that I am taking a class.  It is a class I never in a million years would have considered taking and even when I signed myself up I had my doubts.  For those who know me well, I doubt you would have thought I would either.  I am taking a course that is designed to introduce me to Christianity.  Essentially I am going to a Bible study class and I love it. 

I did not grow up knowing much about religion.  I am Church of England by birth and I can’t say that my parents ever really emphasized religion at all.  I was born in Saudi Arabia so there were no churches, only Mosques.  My parents did send my brother and I to Sunday School (actually it was called Friday School because the weekends are not Saturday and Sunday in Arabia, they are Thursday and Friday, but that is a different story), but when we reached a certain age we were given the option to sleep in and took it with abandon.  So I knew who Jesus was and I knew a few of the parables but they certainly were never discussed outside of Friday School. 

I was also exposed to the religion of Islam.  I went to school with Muslims and lived among them from birth.  I will tell you there are some things I disagree with in the Islamic faith, but I can say the same for Christianity and Judaism and I do believe that most Muslims, as most Christians and Jews, are good people.  I remember reading on the Facebook page of one of my old friends from Arabia: that most Muslims look at ISIS in the same way that Christians look at the Westboro Baptist Church – they are extremists and do not speak for the entire religion.

This class is fascinating to me.  The stories and the thrust of the lessons have moved me.  If the word religion was something that turned me off before I could simply say that I am having a spiritual or philosophical discussion.  I can’t say that I will end up being a church goer at the end of this, but I can tell you that my mind is opening in ways it never previously would have and for that I am ever grateful.

I can also tell you that I still don’t know where I stand in terms of religion, but I can tell you that I do believe that there is something after death.  I can tell you that in my darkest moments now I no longer feel alone.  I can tell you that I feel as though life here on earth is a pre-cursor to something else.  I don’t know which religion speaks to me more, but I plan to explore more than just Christianity.  It seems to me they all have something important to impart and all speak to living well for the sake of living well even when no one is watching.

So Pope Francis is here in Philly tonight and he makes the Catholic faith so much more approachable than anyone else before him in my eyes.  I am not a Catholic obviously but the man speaks to me as he does to the rest of the world.  My maternal grandmother had a thing against Catholics and Irishmen, so it was six months after marrying Frank that I realized she would have turned in her grave to know that I had married an Irish Catholic – granted not a practicing one, but still!

I have spoken before about praying and how it truly does work.  I can’t say that it works in the way that we as children wish it would.  It doesn’t work in terms of “God please send me a puppy. God please make Jane like me. God please give me a promotion.”  But what it does, when done for the benefit of others is to bring the person praying outside themselves and make them think of others and isn’t that a miracle in and of itself?  To turn our thoughts to someone else, to put aside our own fears and desires and think of another can only mean good things.  To think of others instead of ourselves, to bring peace and mercy and faith into the forefront and the more that happens and is spread, then we lessen the strength of evil and pain and suffering.  It is harder to spend time on things that lead us astray when we are concentrating on the well-being of others.

So where does that leave me?  It leaves me listening to Arethra Franklin sing “Amazing Grace” and waiting to hear what the Pope has to say next.  I love to hear his message because he passes no judgement and loves so completely that is makes my eyes water with joy.  Dermot recently was so happy about something pretty monumental in his little life that he was brought to tears.  He was crying for joy.  The next day he said to me, “Mom, you always say that you are crying because you are happy and I never understood that until now, but I get it.  It is like you have so much happy that it leaks out of your eyes.”  Waiting to hear more of the message that makes my eyes leak with joy.