Project Daddy

Project Daddy

Project Daddy is all a go! Yeah!
If we didn't try, try, try
Who would we be?
Project Daddy is all a go!
Here you are Daddy
The present of Music
What shall we do without you

The other night I got to my in-laws house to relieve them and bring them across the street to home so that we could all have dinner together.  Frank was stopping at to the store to pick up supplies and would be there in a few minutes.
I walked in and the kids excitedly brought me upstairs to show me what they had been doing.  They had put a sign on the door to a guest room and it read, "D & W's Recording Studio".  They had taken all the instrument from my mother-in-laws box of toy instruments and had them all laid out on the bed.  They had been playing music and writing a song.  They had me stand by the stairs so they could use the landing as a stage and performed the song I wrote above.  They were so proud of themselves and so excited to play it for Frank when he got home.  Dermot said to me, "Daddy is going to be so excited, he is going to say, "WOW! This is awesome!""  He imitated Frank's usual enthusiastic response to anything they do that is creative.
When Frank got closer to home I told him we would be waiting for him at my in-laws because the kids had a surprise for him.  When he walked in, I acted as emcee and introduced the performers.  They sang "from the heart" as Dermot puts it when you belt out lyrics.  Now anyone who knows my kids will know that they both have very froggy voices, especially Wren.  They are not natural vocalists or musicians so this was loudly off key but perhaps one of the most beautiful performances that I have ever had the honor of attending.  I thought Frank was going to cry.  It was a truly special moment.
I got to see the kids thank their dad for all his efforts over the past eight months as he stepped up and took over as single parent to these special little souls.  He has done an amazing job and as parents will know, this job can sometimes be somewhat thankless.  They didn't even realize the gift they were giving him, but they did.
It is very difficult as parents to know if what you are doing is right.  It is very difficult to know if what you are telling them is sinking in.  You don't really know what you are doing and you are responsible for other people's lives.
Frank will be the first to admit that he has had a lot of help from my in-laws.  They are there when he cannot be and we live across the street from them so it is easy for the kids to traipse back and forth.  The kids have a great relationship with their paternal grandparents and we are eternally grateful for their love and support.  But the fact is, that Frank is the true constant in Dermot and Wren's lives right now and always has been.  I was the main caregiver for years but I can't escape the truth that I have twice been torn away from them by my addiction to go to rehab.  I also had been absent before physically leaving when I was in the depths of addiction.  There but not there at the same time.  I missed both of their 7th birthdays, but Frank has always been there.
Over the past few months he has not only simply taken care of them, he has set an example and done so many positive things with them.  Even though they are going through a hard time with the fact that I am still not home with them and dealing with the upheaval my addiction has wrought on their lives, I can honestly say they are not only surviving, but they are thriving.
He set an example by training for the triathlons he has competed in.  H showed them that trying is more important than winning and the trying in and of itself is a win.  He has them eating more healthily and getting them involved in picking what to eat that week and preparing the food so they are more invested and have more of an understanding of what healthy eating looks like.  The TV in the kitchen is gone, the TV in the living room is gone, they can have electronics before breakfast and after dinner and mostly don't even choose to do that anymore.  They read on their own as well as relishing reading with a parent.  He teaches them as he goes about his day.  He patiently explains things and sets the boundaries that they need.  He does this tirelessly and I am in awe.
It strikes me that our kids ( I mean this in a general sense, not just talking about mine at this point ) ARE listening, they ARE watching our every move.  They are taking it all in and we don't give them credit for that as much as we should.
Last year Dermot was having trouble containing his anger and it frightened him.  He asked us if he could go and talk to a therapist about it.  Frank was alarmed that our then eight-year-old was asking to see a therapist.  I had a different response.  I was proud that he wanted this, as it meant that he was emulating us.  He saw that I was going to therapy, that Frank was going to therapy and that we were going to therapy together.  So he was seeing that if you are struggling emotionally, going to a therapist is a positive way of getting help.  He did go and it helped him immensely.  Both the kids go to this particular therapist even now because of the chaos of the past year and it helps.
I am struck also that Dermot has noticed that I journal now.  I talk about writing a lot and the other day he picked up a notebook from his room and started writing in it.  Wren also started talking the other day about journaling.  I don't know that it will last, but I hope it does, it will mean I did something this year to influence them in a healthy way.  I so hope to impact them as positively as their dad has in the years to come.
So to quote the song above, "Here you are Daddy, the present of music, what would we do without you?"