And That Is My Religion

And That is My Religion

"When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad... And that is my religion." - Abraham Lincoln

I have mentioned before that I am not a religious person.  I was not raised with religion and what little exposure I had I did not take to.  I didn't understand it and nor did I care to explore it.  I am still not so interested in adopting a dogma of any kind.  I don't relish the idea of labeling myself one thing over another, but I am willing to listen to religious people now which is something I never did before.  There is wisdom to be gleaned from some people who carry the mantle of religion.  Not all religious people certainly, but the ones who stand for love and tolerance have things to offer us all.  To my untrained theological mind, there are lessons to be learned and perspective to be gained from listening to these people.
I have met a lot of people as a result of my addiction.  A lot of people I would not normally have been exposed to.  People who once were incarcerated, but now walk tall as upstanding citizens.  Powerful people as felled by addiction as the rest of us.  Famous musicians, children of old money, junkies from the streets, homeless addicts and an array of religious people.  Certainly there are many people I wish not to get to know better, many people to avoid, but there are gems among the coal just like there are in the outside world.  Those are the souls I gravitate toward and many of them are religious.
I know a Native American who refers to the Great Spirit.  I know devout Catholics, serving Rabbis and many, many tolerant and lovely Muslims.  My sponsor and her husband are Baptists...  That is right I said Baptists!  Not Westboro Baptist Church type Baptists, but lovely, accepting people whose higher power is God and who choose to hold hands and pray before they  eat dinner.
I used to balk at all things dogmatic.  Any mention of God had my brain shut down tightly and my logical side took over and everything that then came out of a religious person's mouth I stoutly disregarded.  Now I see there is some magic in religion.  There is much love and there is power for some people in following religious traditions.  Who am I to say there is no God?  Who am I to dismiss these people who hold a belief I can't quite see?  Am I that arrogant?  I used to be...
Since starting on the road to recovery I have had to, by necessity, abandon all my pre-conceived notions about people and labels and mostly about myself.  I have been blessed, yes blessed, to have many lovely and caring people reach out to me.  I have had a woman who is a friend of a family member send me a devotional because she "believes that God is moving through" me.  In years past I would have turned away from her and from the devotional, turning a blind eye to what a gift that is, what an honor for her to say that of me.  I have had numerous people let me know that they are praying for me and for Frank and Dermot and Wren.  That sentiment and action is no longer ignored by me, but embraced.  It feels good to know that people are thinking of you and sending healing energy in your direction.
In a twelve step meeting recently, a man was speaking about how, before he went through the steps and before, in his words, he had found God, he was a womanizer.  He talked of how he mistreated women and cheated on girlfriends.  He ended this eloquent speech by saying that he now sees women as "beautiful daughters of God."  Can I say that I wept when he said that?  I wept because I am touched by his candor, touched by the fact that people can change and frankly because this man sees me as a beautiful daughter of God.  No one has referred to me in such a way before and it felt loving and warm and I was honored.
I am curious about religion now.   I mentioned in a meeting that I had actually thought of reading the bible lately and the next week, my sponsor and her husband presented me with one.  Again I wept.  What a lovely gesture.  How supportive and thoughtful.  They wrote a note to me inside that it was from them and from "Joe".  These are people who believe deeply in God but who never proselytize, so to have them give this gift to me, was from the heart.  I have that bible beside the bed and have read a bit from time to time and it does calm me when I am feeling overwhelmed.
I still don't feel that I will adopt one religion over another, but then a lot has changed this year and I can't honestly say "never" about anything.  I know that the quote above suits me to a tee and I know that this is going to be a journey of discovery that includes religions in all forms.