Monday, January 22, 2018

Diversify Your Portfolio


 

Diversify Your Portfolio

 

            I have learned, that in recovery, there are some things I can trust myself on and some things that I can’t. 

            I trust my gut about many things, but I also check myself religiously and often.  I do this by using the tools I have been given in recovery and the lessons I have learned through doing the steps.  I also turn to the people that I trust to check me because I know that my thinking can be warped at times, especially when emotions are involved.  My ego can swoop in and quickly wrest control of the steering wheel before I am completely aware of it and my emotions will depress the accelerator while I am distracted.  Before I know it I have gotten completely off –track and am going down a road that is not on God’s map.

            I have a handful of people on my “favorites” list on my phone.  I auto-dial these people to check myself on a regular basis.  Among them are my sponsor, my closest girlfriends from various periods of my life, Frank and a close friend from my 12-step-program.  I have countless other numbers I can also call within my iPhone and I know that most of those people would pick up at any time of the day or night if I called and needed them.

            As I work with more and more people at the counseling center, I encourage them to develop their own list.  Have some go-to people you know you can call and you know that you trust.  You have to have people not only to call when you need advice or when you are in trouble, but also to call up and have fun with.

            I find that all-too-often my patients have not spent much time developing friends.  If they are married this seems to be an even bigger problem.  Developing friendships with people requires connection and connection requires some level of vulnerability.  I find that people are afraid to reach out, afraid to admit they are lonely and confused, afraid to admit they need help.  This seems to be even more prevalent among my male patients.  They tend to rely on their wives for all that they need.  The problem there is that their spouse can’t be everything for them and what happens if they are having trouble with their spouse?  They have no one they can talk to.

            One person can’t be everything to another.  One person can’t provide all sustenance to another, it just isn’t possible and to expect that of another person isn’t realistic and honestly isn’t fair.  I know I have friends I can go to for certain things and friends I can go to for other things.  I know what kind of fun I can expect to have with each and it isn’t all the same.

            If you want healthy relationships and healthy connections, dare to be vulnerable and be brave enough to connect with others.  You have to diversify your emotional portfolio.

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