EnChroma Glasses

EnChroma Glasses

I saw an advert for these glasses the other day on the internet and my interest was peaked enough to click in and watch the commercial.  These glasses have been developed by an off shoot of a paint company and are for people with color blindness.  I don't understand the technology behind them but the lenses in the glasses do what the eye does not in a person with color blindness and enables them to see colors as others do.
I thought these were pretty cool until I saw the response of people with color blindness when they tried them on and then I thought they were really cool.  I know it was a commercial, but the reactions were priceless.  These people were stunned and excited and awed by the prism of colors they had heard tell of but never experienced before and it made me think...
I feel as though I have constructed something like these glasses for myself by going through the steps and by working on myself.  I don't ever think I have ever had a clear vision of myself until now.  I have always put too much stock in what other people have said, in what other people think, in what I think they will say, on what I think they think and it has all been so distorting.
I have tried over the years to mold myself into what I thought I was supposed to be, how I thought I was supposed to act, how I was supposed to look.  It is no surprise that I was unsuccessful and unhappy.  It felt like trying to put pantyhose on when you are wet.  It is a futile attempt, you will struggle and the hose will snag and you aren't going to look pretty when it's over.
I have found that being true to myself is the trick.  I have started to do what I feel is right and not what I don't.  Sometimes doing what I think is right for me does not always fall in line with what others think I should do and I am strong enough now to see that that is alright.  In order to be my true self means that sometimes others will be frustrated and disappointed, but I am living without regrets.  I move forward not intending any harm, taking responsibility and being honest.  Sometimes my level of honesty doesn't always serve me well in all circumstances either, but I know that if I don't tell my truth, I will start to get a distorted view of myself again and that is something. I can't afford.
I have built my own set of EnChroma glasses over time and I know how brave I am, how strong I am, how wise I am, how well-intentioned and kind I am.  I also know how damaged I was, how wrong I was, how badly I handled things in the past.  These new glasses of mine balance all these things and allow me to see who I am now much more clearly.
Growing up I saw myself through my parents eyes and didn't like what they saw so I tried to change, to fix the image.  In school I did the same when I saw myself through the eyes of my peers.  When Frank and I married, I saw myself through his eyes and knew his vision of me had me on a pedestal so high I could not achieve it's elevation.  Addiction brought me down in his eyes and I now have to be careful not to look at myself through his eyes because he is still angry and afraid and his vision of me right now is not always nice, nor is it balanced.
What I take away from this is that I have to concentrate on simply looking at myself through my own eyes and if that means I need to wear a pair of spiritual glasses, then so be it.  When I wear those glasses I see sides to myself I knew were always there but I could never before bring into focus.  The range of hues I see in myself is staggering and the pictures I can paint are now limitless.