A Most Noble Pyramid Scheme

A Most Noble Pyramid Scheme

Lest anyone think that I am spiritually sound every single moment of the day, let me assure you that I struggle to do the right thing often.  I have that voice in my head that tells me to just be lazy and not do the chore ahead that needs to be done.  I have that voice in my head that says I deserve to take time off from the things that keep me moving forward in a more healthy way.  I have that voice in my head that whispers lies and promises titillating oases of ego-stroking self-indulgences.  I used to listen to that voice and that voice alone.
That voice is still there and I have to make a conscious effort to tune it out.  I have to change the channel and find one which promises redemption rather than indulgence.  The music is sweeter and softer, but the song is beautiful and longer-lasting.
There are days when I am tired and I don't want to go to a meeting or meet a person from the program for coffee or drive to a rehab and speak.  I used to cave and not go, sitting instead in glorious self-indulgence and trying to enjoy the stolen time but all the while wallowing in guilt.
Now, when, in those moments of pause, I consider not doing what it right, I see the links in the chain.  I see the person whom I have agreed to meet for coffee, I see the people in the chairs in the rehab sitting and waiting, I see my sponsor's face and the faces of those who have offered their hands down and back to pull me up and forward and I get it and I go and I never regret it.  I never regret making the meeting or the coffee or the session or the reading or the speaking.  I do regret those times that I bail out of my responsibilities.
It strikes me that it is all a pyramid scheme of the most noble kind.  I am a link in a chain of goodness and I have to keep my link strong.  My sponsee needs my time and energy and patience.  My fellow meeting makers need me as much as I need them.  There are days I listen and gain from the wisdom imparted and there are days I impart that wisdom and there are people there who may need to hear what I have to say just as I need to hear their pearls.
Even my sponsor needs my participation.  In giving she is receiving.  The more she is able to give, the stronger her recovery.  Her husband said to me once as we wrestling over paying a diner bill that he would let me this time because he had learned early on that you need to "share in the blessings".  In that comment he wasn't really talking about the food bill, he was speaking on a grander level.  You can't always be the giver nor can you always be the receiver.  You have to allow others the gift of giving as well, it is as valuable a stance as receiving.
So I will give and receive, strengthen my link and participate in this wonderful spiritual ponzi scheme!