Broken Vases

 

 

     “Broken Vases”

 

“A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken.  Fortunately, something else happens to you and me.  Pick up your pieces.  Then, help me gather mine.”

Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

 

 

 

The kids and I are going on a road trip in July.  This is something that pre-pandemic we had done annually but we haven’t been able to since and we can’t wait.  Each year always saw the main focus of the trip landing us in Indiana at my best friend Liz’s house.  She and her family are our second family and it is always like a second homecoming.  This year is especially exciting because we are to attend her step-daughter’s wedding. 

Liz and I face-time over coffee most mornings, because who wouldn’t do that with their best friend if they could?  The other week she let me know that Kristi had requested Wren and I come with Liz on the morning of the wedding to help her get ready.  I mean, what an honor?  Liz then let me know that Kristi mentioned one of the reasons was that she said, “I feel like I need Fiona there to keep me calm.”  When I heard that I did an internal double-take.

I hear that a lot lately – that I am a calming influence.   I hear it from clients, from friends, from acquaintances and from my boyfriend.  Yes as a side-note I have a boyfriend… there will be more on him in later posts I’m sure.  When asked, he let me know that I could write about him as he trusts me but I feel like I want to keep him to myself for just a little bit longer.  Know I am incredibly happy and I never saw this relationship coming but I am choosing to follow the energy of it in the healthiest and most passionate way I know how.

To hear that people find me to be a calming influence is both an honor and immensely baffling at the same time.  I will just say that I have not traditionally been known for being even-keeled.  I would say that in the past my emotions have been all over the map and my actions followed suit.  A few weeks ago I wrote about what it is like for me to live in “the calm” and how it is both a blessing and a curse.  Mostly though it is a blessing and how it affects others in a positive way is one of those blessings.

The fact that I can now give a sense of peace to others brings me joy.  I could never have imagined that before.  I know that I can’t take credit for it though.  I know that credit is entirely due to my relationship with my higher power and my work with the steps.  I have rituals that I perform every morning without fail.  If I don’t perform these rituals I am of no use to myself of others. 

I start my day off by heading out my door and standing out on my deck – rain or shine.  I start my conversation out with Joe by a simple “Good morning” followed by a heart-felt expression of gratitude.  I recite a quote from Cervantes that has great meaning to me and then a quote of my own.  Then I talk to him.  I talk to him about the previous day and about the day to come.  I ask him every day to guide me.  I ask for patience and focus and ask that he allow me to help others in whatever way he sees fit.  Some days I talk about a client of two and what I struggle to understand about them and what is blocking me from being the best therapist to them that I can be.  Some days the answer to how I can best approach them comes in those moments on the deck.  The ritual ends with me reciting the Third Step Prayer.  Then I end the show I am sure my neighbors have seen a few times and questioned my sanity over, and I head inside.

This has now set me up to walk through the day in a measured and intention-filled way.  This is why I seem calm now to others… because I am.  I must radiate or broadcast this without realizing it.  The fact that it helps others is up to Joe but I am so pleased that it does and that he has chosen to use me in this fashion. 

So in July I will be heading to my second home to transmit some calm to a bride-to-be and I can’t think of a better way to spend a summer day.