“The Ripple Effect”
“Even
a pebble dropped in a pond sends circles to the margin.” C. S. Lewis
This
week saw two people who attended my home group over the past couple of years
lose their fight with this disease.
Two. Two in one week from a group
that averages 40 on any given Monday.
Two young men died from overdoses.
One had just had a baby with his partner a few months ago. Both were under 30.
We,
as a group, found out about the first one this past Monday night. The other we found out about this past
Wednesday. The death of the first was
announced at the beginning of the meeting and a pall fell over the group. I felt the weight of the news immediately and
excused myself to stand outside for a few minutes. The truth of the matter is that I did not
know either man well, but I mourn for them none-the-less because on some level
I am them and they are me.
Their
families don’t know me, but I cried for them.
The new baby doesn’t know me, but I care about the future of that child
and I ache because of the wasted potential and the devastation these men have
left in their wakes. They would not have
imagined that I would stand outside a twelve-step meeting on a spring night in
May and cry for them, but I did.
Every
action I take has an effect, sometimes great and sometimes small. I know now, from examining my past through my
step-work that my negative behavior impacted the lives of many people. It impacted the lives of many more people
that I had imagined or allowed myself to realize. Through the process of going through the
steps I was able to see myself for who I truly was and to recognize my actions
for what they truly were and to fully accept them all, good and bad. I finally saw an accurate picture of how I
interacted in the world and what that looked and felt like for other people to
the extent that they let me see.
Once
I had this in full focus I knew that moving forward I was determined to be sure
that my actions as a sober woman were going to have a far greater impact on
people in a positive sense than they did in a negative sense before I got
sober. I can’t erase the past but I can
make sure that my intentions in the present and future are pure and that what I
leave in my wake will not be devastation but healing and support.
I
went back into the meeting with a heavy heart and without much capacity to
string together a coherent share. I was
tired and emotional and wanted to go home and crawl into bed, I was just
done. Then a newcomer spoke and
introduced himself and simply said that he was new to the process and new to
being sober. He said he was 40 and
realizing that he was in the last third of his life and that he wants to get
better just so he can die with dignity.
He came to join us so he can get better and die with dignity. Read that again if you have to…
You
never know what small gesture will mean to someone. The slightest kind word, smile, hug or nod of
approval might be all that is keeping someone else from the edge of despair or
just the encouragement they needed to finally get help. I plan to arrive early for the next meeting
and give more hugs, smiles and nods of approval. If another woman asks me for help and needs a
sponsor, I’ll say “yes” because I have a solution and so that maybe, just maybe,
that pebble will send a circle of good to the margin.
.
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