The Chumming

“The Chumming”

 

“When we put pen to paper, we articulate things in our life that we may have felt vague about.  Before you write about something, somebody says, ‘How do you feel?’ and you say,’Oh, I feel okay.’ Then you write about it, and discover you don’t feel okay.”  Julia Cameron

 

Every therapist over the course of my lifetime (and there have been many) has encouraged me to journal.  I always blew this off.  In my mind it was an exercise in futility.  My creative side identified as an actress and a singer and I thought I only had room for them.  It wasn’t until my second stint at rehab had me so utterly de-moralized and desperate that I was willing to try everything that was suggested to me that I began to journal.

I found a simple, almost hokey-looking journal at the Caron bookstore and bought it.  It has a stick figure on the front and is entitled, “Me, A Personal Journey”.  For each day you fill in one side with answers to questions like “What is the weather today?  What is in the news today?  What are the events for friends and family today? Who brightened your day?  What did you do to brighten someone else’s day?”  As I said, it sounds pretty hokey, but it is the perfect way to start the day and get my mind on track with what is on the agenda and what I am grateful for.  I answer the questions about what has affected my day using what happened the day before given that I choose to journal in the morning.  The flip side of the page is blank and I usually write an inspirational quote and them journal about whatever comes to mind.

I have bought and filled half a dozen of these journals over the past three years.  I haven’t gone back and read a single one of them and I’m not sure that I ever will, we’ll see.  The point is they calm and focus my thoughts.  I can speak for many people in recovery and some not in recovery that our thoughts are all over the place.  My thoughts swirl and eddy around in my mind and it can be overwhelming. 

When I am anxious about something it gets worse and I have manic thoughts.  I have been assessed to see if my mood swings would give me a diagnosis of Bi-Polar disorder and they do not, but they are significant enough to affect my life.  I will make a list of things I have to do and it becomes colossal within minutes because my mind is telling me that I have to get it all done and ridiculous things that don’t really have to be done in one day appear on the list as well making me ever more anxious and manic.  The racing in my head feels like a chumming with my mind throwing out fish to the sharks of thought.

There is an article from the website PsychCentral that does a good job of outlining the effects of old-fashioned journaling (http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/).  It is a short read and outlines some significant psychological AND physical benefits to writing.  I knew about the psychological benefits but reading that journaling strengthened some forms of immune cells was fascinating and encouraging.

Writing to me is a form of mindfulness.  Mindfulness is something that should be taught to people in the fast-paced world of today.  Something about the act of physically putting pen to paper and forming the letters give you a singleness of purpose and concentrates your energy.

It turns out that the benefits of journaling have opened up my mind to a new form of creativity and spirituality that I will ever be glad I made room for.  It helps me to process my feelings and thoughts and slows me to a pace that means I actually accomplish more and stress less.  It also turns out that I am a pretty good writer.